Mr X goes to a party

Sorry for not continuing the Mr. X stories when I said I would but here goes….

My good friend Mr. X was telling me this one not to long ago. It started out on a Friday night that was much like any other. Mr X however had a party to go to with some of his work colleagues. Just for some background information our good friend keeps a position of high stature in one of the UK’s largest insurance firms.

Anyway, as the party they were all going to was quite near his boss’ house, X decided that he’d take his car over to his boss’s, dump it there and then proceed on foot to the party.

So, he goes to the party and has a few drinks with his work mates, then a few more and so on…

Our friend’s story then jumped to 4 a.m. and he’s walking home. Now he was a long way and it’s getting a big wet as well so he sticks his hand out in the hope that a taxi will stop for him. After half an hour or so a car stop for him and he jumps in and explains to the guy where he lives. Now I believe that Mr X thought this guy to be of Greek decent but he’d obviously had a few jars by that point so I guess we’ll never know for sure.

After half an hour in the car they eventually wound up back at Mr X’s flat. They pull up outside and X asks the driver how much he owes him for the ride. At this point the taxi driver explains to X that he is in fact not a taxi driver and had just picked him up because “he liked the look of him”….

Now I’d just like to take this opportunity to warn all piss heads out there that if you go hailing lifts from strangers at four in the morning in the greater London area, there is probably a good chance that the person who picks you up might well want to bum you!

Anyway, I must stress that the guy wasn’t forcing it on X. He was just suggesting that they go upstairs and exchange body fluids in lea of the taxi payment. Needless to say this kinda freaked X out and he threw the guy a tenner and ran upstairs to the safety of his flat.

It was about ten when he woke up the next morning and no doubt the details of the taxi ride home slowly came back to him over the course of a few minutes. He still had his jacket on in bed and as he got up he put his hand in his pocket and grabbed his glasses case.

Now as he grabbed his glasses case, it became apparent to him that something was not quite right. Our Mr X only wears his glasses whilst he’s driving and as we’d mentioned earlier, he’d dropped the car off outside his boss’s house earlier in the evening. At this point he does however realise that there is a 100% chance that he had in fact been back to the car at some point during the night.

Once he’s up and about his first instinct is to go back to his boss’s house and get his car. So he goes over there only to find that it’s no longer where he left it. Deciding that calling the police might not be the best idea, he sets off to try and find it.

After looking around for the best part of the day, he decided to start looking around other streets away from his route home. At about five o’clock that night he comes to a grass embankment, with a car parked up it. Needless to say, the door is wide open but everything seems to be intact.

Obviously pretty happy that he’s found his car X then goes to jump in and as he goes to do this he notices some sick on the door and window and it then turns out that the whole door compartment is filled with the stuff. He took the car home and as you can probably imagine you’d probably be shitting it at this point about who had seen him driving off the previous night.

God only knows how he did it but it turns out that nobody saw him and he honestly doesn’t remember any of the drive home.

So in short kids there are some lessons to be learned. If you plan on getting horrendously drunk, give someone else your keys and book a taxi. You don’t want to end up getting bummed, or worse still jailed and then bummed!